new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
