Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
