Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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