I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
