remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
