I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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