I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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