I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
