My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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