I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
