I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
