My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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