if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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