help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
too bad you live with your parents still
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
