So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
