An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
smell my finger.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
