I like to think it a success when the cops are called
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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