Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
