I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
