i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
