btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
