Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
