I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
