I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
