Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
