Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
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And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
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He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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