I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
