Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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