Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
