nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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