He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
