You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
