I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
