I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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