coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she told me i tasted like america
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
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The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
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Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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