She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
