i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
