As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
