well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
