I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
