I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
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I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
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I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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