I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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