then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
