Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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