why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
