Three words: puerto rican gang bang
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
