best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
