Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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