That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
