i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
