i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
A+ Viking dick
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
