guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize