I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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