i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
