also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
