Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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