Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
