Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
