You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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