Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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