Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
