i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
