If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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